If You're Happy and You Know It...

Bauer's almost ONE!!!

2010-10-04T16:16:00.001-07:00

I can't believe it. Really, I can't. I still remember how it felt to be anticipating his arrival. I still remember being in labor for such a ridiculously long time. I still remember the pain of delivery almost like it was yesterday. A YEAR AGO??? It's amazing. And I have such a sweet baby boy, that I've been able to cuddle and kiss and watch grow up for an entire year! Thank you, Jesus!

I think I'm more excited for Bauer's birthday than he is. Is this what every birthday will be like? It takes everything in me to not give him all his presents immediately, I'm counting down the days until his little family party, and I've had the whole thing planned for months!

Bauer's grown into such a big boy. And so tender-hearted! I know he gets that from his dad. I tell Tim often how thankful I am that Tim is Bauer's example of a man. I pray constantly that Bauer will learn Tim's soft heart, gentle spirit, and love for other people. He's showing signs of it already. Often, when I'm sitting on the couch, B will walk up to me and put his head on my knee, just for a little cuddle. Or he'll just lean in and give me a kiss for no reason. It melts my heart. He's sweet to his stuffed animals too...gives them kisses and hugs them. Of course, then he throws them across the room, but I'm sure it's done in love...

We officially have a "walker!" He started taking steps around 10.5-11 months but didn't really start walking until last week or so. He's so determined too! No matter how often he falls down, he gets back up and bravely keeps going. He LOVES to walk from the house to the car, where his big-boy carseat now waits for him. He follows Mommy everywhere, which is adorable...although I might have stepped on him once or twice. He's also very curious. I've caught him splashing in the toilet more than once (a clean toilet at least!), and he is constantly trying to figure out the buckles on his stroller, carseat, and highchair. He loves to spin the toilet paper rolls and opens every drawer and door that he can reach. Baby proofing time, anyone? Ha!

Things have been busy for Mommy too. I've recently launched my photography website (check it out here) I'm so excited to see where God will take this new adventure and it's been so fun to feel creative and enjoy a hobby!

I decided to actually decorate our home for fall this year, and am loving it. We're usually such Christmas people (we put our tree up at the beginning of November!) that I end up skipping fall altogether. But I LOVE fall....pumpkin spice coffee, and cinnamon cider candles, and dorky little scarecrow men wishing me "Happy Harvest." I can't wait until the weather catches up to the season!

Things are pretty happy around the Smith home lately...we're counting our blessings and thanking God for our favorite little one year old. Happy (almost) birthday Bauer!!

Updates!!!

2010-07-17T00:27:00.000-07:00

I have no excuse. It has been almost 8 months since I have updated my blog!! I actually don't even know how that happened...time has been such a blur since I last posted. Here are the big things you've missed:

~ Bauer's first Christmas was awesome. We spent Christmas day with Tim's family and then drove to Arkansas to be with my family at my grandparents house. It was a 21 hour drive and Bauer actually did a great job in the car. He was very patient for such a little guy! More patient than his dad and I...

~Bauer got his first two teeth in February at 4 months old. He drooled constantly for a month and a half before they actually popped through, and hardly fussed. He is currently up to 7 teeth, with 2 more "buds" in sight!

~ We moved from Gilbert, AZ to Phoenix (Ahwatukee area) in March. It has been a great move for us although it was sad to leave our first home. But our new home has been such a blessing...a backyard facing South Mountain, no stairs, and a fireplace are perks that have made it extra special for us.

~ In May we visited my family in South Carolina, which was so much fun. It was Bauer's first plane trip. I was of course very nervous, but he traveled like a pro. We drove to Florida to my mom's beach condo for a few days and got to visit Universal Studios. We missed the Harry Potter ride by only a few weeks! :( Bauer had a great time at the park though- especially on the Cat in the Hat ride. It really is so much more fun to visit those places with your child...watching him enjoy it all- even at only 7 months old- is so incredible. We love that kid. :)

~ Bauer has gotten so big! He is still a happy baby, and it's so much fun to learn more and more about his personality. He absolutely loves to eat, and so far will eat just about anything we give him. His favorite "real foods" now are cheerios, goldfish, cheese, and yogurt. He refuses to drink water in anything but a glass or water bottle "like a big boy." He is crawling everywhere, pulls himself up on anything he can (even the toilet....gross) and loves to laugh. He gives adorable open-mouthed kisses, but is pretty picky about when he'll give them. Other than Mommy, his little friend Aiden is the only one lucky enough to receive one so far! He says Mama and Dada now and will even yell at us directly if he gets REALLY mad! His other favorite sounds are growling and squealing, and he can be very loud if he wants to be!

All in all, we are very content and blessed in our lives right now. God has been faithful to provide our needs and we are so thankful. :)

Bauer Mark Smith

2009-12-07T06:17:00.001-08:00

It is almost exactly two months since my last post, and life has changed so drastically I don't know where to begin!!

First, our beautiful son Bauer was born on Thursday, October 8, 2009 at 12:10am. He was 8lbs, 8oz and 21 inches long. I laugh when I re-read my last post, because I was so sure he would come that day. But, he definitely wanted to make me work for it!! After having contractions ranging from 3-15 minutes apart for 26 hours straight, I finally called my doctor Wednesday morning to ask what to do. I definitely wasn't getting any sleep and knew I was in labor, but was frustrated because my contractions weren't consistent enough to go to the hospital. She encouraged me to go on in, if only to get something that would help me sleep through some contractions. But when Tim and I got there around 8:30am and the nurse checked me, I was already 4cm dilated and 90% effaced...I wasn't going anywhere! At least all those hours of contractions were doing something!! :) After a LOOONG day of walking circles in the maternity wing, eating only one bowl of soup and a couple pudding cups, not actually getting into a room until 4pm, pushing for a miserable hour and a half, and having an episiotomy, Bauer Mark Smith made his grand entrance into this world! 46 hours after labor began, I was finally holding my son.

What a surreal thing it is to be a Mommy. Bauer will be two months old tomorrow and I still sometimes just stare at him, in awe that he is really my own. God created such a perfect little boy and just handed him to Tim and me to enjoy...what an incredible blessing! The past two months have been so fun and Bauer is growing into such a big boy! He is over 12 lbs now, smiles alot (he has the most adorable smile, by the way) and loves to talk and coo at his Daddy and Mommy. He is fascinated by colors and lights and loves music. If he is fussy, the minute I start singing "You are my Sunshine" he will get completely still and just calmly listen. Needless to say, that's made me tear up more than once! Bauer has always been very strong- something I noticed when he was still in my tummy- and has been holding his head up and trying to roll over since he was only 3.5 weeks old. Mostly though, he is just a sweet, sweet little love bug- loves to cuddle and be held. I can't get enough of my little lovey boy!!

One of the most precious things about having Bauer here, I think, is watching Tim be a Daddy. There is nothing so wonderful as seeing your husband loving his new son- changing his diapers, comforting him, making him smile, and whispering "I love yous." Who knew diaper-changing could be sexy?! Haha. Tim has become so confident and strong with Bauer and it is obvious how much Bauer adores his Daddy. I love my boys!!

So now, we're adjusting to our new life. I am working again- just Mondays and Thursdays- and leaving Bauer with Tim on those days. Bauer is on a good schedule- still eats a LOT (which can be a challenge for me since he is only eating breastmilk at this point) and has been sleeping about 6-7 hours straight since he was 4 weeks old. We are so excited to celebrate his first Christmas in a few weeks and can't wait to spend the holidays with our families. We are so blessed to be at such a precious and wonderful time of life, and are trying to enjoy every minute as it flies by. Praise the Lord!

Waiting, waiting...

2009-10-06T08:08:00.000-07:00

I woke up this morning at about 4:45am with regular and painful contractions. After about 3 and a half hours, they have stayed consistent at 7-10 minutes apart. Today- October 6, 2009- could possibly be the day I finally get to hold my little guy in my arms for the first time!!

We are so ready and so excited to meet our little man, and can't believe God's goodness and faithfulness in sustaining and orchestrating this pregnancy. He has created a new life for His glory and I pray that Tim and I will be faithful in being parents who will teach Bauer the joy and excitement of loving Christ with your whole life! Praise God for creating this little miracle!

We will definitely try to update everyone as soon as Bauer makes his first appearance in this world and appreciate every prayer you want to send our way. Now, if we can just get him here....

"Oh sing to the Lord a new song, for He has done wonderful things..." ~Psalm 98:1

Almost time...

2009-09-30T19:57:00.000-07:00

I have been putting off blogging for WAY too long! But here I sit- 38 weeks pregnant, listening to my hubby play guitar, and feeling awake and coherent enough to actually write something. So I'm going to take advantage of it!

So many words can describe life lately for the Smith family- fun, exhausting, busy, exciting, hopeful, giggly, anxious, precious, happy, and thankful. Our little guy Bauer is growing and healthy, and LOVES rolling around! I think he is just trying to show off his amazing strength, which seems to increase by the day. He's even woken his Daddy up during the night a few times just by kicking him really hard in the back! It's already been so fun to watch his little personality developing...and his attachment to Tim. Recently he has really been responding to Tim's touch. Anytime Tim puts his hand on my belly, it's as though Bauer realizes its Dad and starts trying to perform! He's constantly pushing his little butt up under Tim's hand, and they both just LOVE to get him all riled up so that I can't have a moments peace! It's so precious though...especially to see the smile on Tim's face when they play. I love my boys!

I am now 38 weeks pregnant and feeling very ready to have this baby! The doctor says everything looks healthy- good weight gain, healthy baby, good blood pressure and sugar levels, and no concerns about his birth. Praise the Lord!! I have definitely been having some contractions and as of two weeks ago was already dilated to 1cm and 50% effaced, so the process has begun! I'm so excited to finally see Bauer's little face, kiss his nose, smell his head, and count all his little fingers and toes...and that excitement helps make all the pregnancy aches and pains well worth it. Not to mention the anticipation of my swollen feet and ankles returning to normal size, being able to get in and out of bed without help, my groin and back pain healing, and not constantly having to pee! Haha. Yes, we are very ready and excited for Bauer to make his grand entrance!

It's amazing and overwhelming to think that we're about to become parents. Three years ago today, Tim proposed to me and we officially started planning our life together. We never would have imagined all the wonderful blessings God had in store for our first three years. He has truly knitted together a family and continues to do "exceedingly and abundantly beyond all we could ask or think." Just a few more days of life as we've known it. Just a few more days of a family of two. Just a few more days until our lives change forever, and we can't wait....

Hurry up, little buddy. We already love you so much...

67 days...

2009-08-07T16:33:00.000-07:00

Well, our "Bauer Countdown" is officially at 67 days to go! Tim and I have been so excited to watch each day bring us closer to October 13....and we've definitely been keeping ourselves busy! We have been organization maniacs every weekend for the past few months and, after our yard sale last weekend, we were officially ready to start working on Bauer's room. My sweet grandparents sent us some money a few months ago to buy his furniture and Tim worked hard to put everything together and get the room painted in just 3 days!

Other than some "furniture arranging" bossiness from his wife, Tim did all of the work and we both LOVE the way it has turned out! It is so amazing to see how God has already provided so much for us...when we first found out we were pregnant, we had no idea how we'd even afford a used crib, let alone a whole nursery full of furniture! We are constantly overwhelmed by the generosity of the people God has placed in our lives.

Bauer has been growing so much lately...and he has gotten so strong- kicking and rolling constantly. I don't think I'll ever get tired of watching my belly dance, and as much as I want to finally hold my little boy in my arms, I know I'll miss that feeling. We had our last scheduled ultrasound today. It was supposed to be the exciting "3D/See the Baby's Face" one we've been looking forward to, but I should have known that our little guy would be WAY too stubborn to preform for any camera! Haha. Every time I've tried to capture his belly dancing on video or even let someone other than Tim feel him move, it's like that kid purposely starts holding his breath and stops any form of movement! So of course he knew how badly we wanted to see his sweet little face this morning and refused to turn toward the camera. His face was completely buried in my back. At least he was comfortable! Haha. But- most importantly- the doctor did say that he is continuing to look very healthy and is actually measuring about 5 days early at this point. What a happy answer to prayer!

Pregnancy continues to be an adventure. Now that I'm beyond the 30 week mark, I'm really starting to feel the typical aches and pains of pregnancy. Heartburn, back spasms, a constant urge to pee, and swollen feet have become a daily occurance. Oh what fun! I have had some trouble with my blood sugar levels and- even though I did pass my second glucose test- I am still borderline diabetic. I am not terribly surprised though, because I have had the worst sweet tooth of my life in the past 2 months or so, and I should have known that a regular diet of Oreos and Fruit Loops would catch up to me sometime! Haha.

With everything that has happened, time has flown by and I can't believe we're almost in a single digit weekly countdown. We cannot wait to meet our son!! I am going to try to keep updating the blog as much as possible, especially because I know there are so many sweet moments ahead for our little Smith family...thank You, Jesus!!

It's A...

2009-06-02T15:46:00.000-07:00

...BOY!!!

Well, Biscuit officially "told" us 2 weeks ago that he will be our first SON! Tim and I are so excited to be having a little boy and even with his skeletal little face we think he'll be adorable!! :) We decided to name him Bauer Mark Smith. Bauer just because we liked the name and Mark after my dad. God continues to bless us abundantly!

Things have been great for the Smith family lately. I'm getting bigger by the day (which of course means Bauer is too :) and finally feeling good consistently. Our little guy is already really active. I felt his first little kicks around 13 weeks, Tim felt a nice big kick at 15 weeks, and he has been moving constantly ever since!! I have a feeling he will keep us entertained to say the least! Ha! At his ultrasound, the doctor said all of his vital organs are developing well, and he shows no signs of any problems, praise God! She also said he is measuring exactly on his due date at this point, so we'll see when he decides to grace us with his presence. I can't wait for that day!

The day Tim and I found out that he was definitely a little boy, we got to spend a wonderful evening together to celebrate. Tim had done some work for a friend and been given a gift card to Ruth's Chris Steakhouse, so we decided to eat there. It tasted absolutely AMAZING and it was so fun to get dressed up and have a date together to just be excited and daydream about little Bauer. We already feel so blessed that God picked us to be his parents! We can't wait until we get to see him again in a few weeks on that tv screen, and then in just a few months face to face!!

I don't want to sound like I'm trying to be "annoyingly spiritual" or anything, but I can't help but think lately about the parallels between the process of growing a baby and life in Christ. Just as God planted a little egg inside my womb and started a new life, He put His Holy Spirit inside my heart so many years ago and my life was made completely new. Then began a long process of growing and changing- for Bauer and for me- which was not always easy. And just like a baby's birth comes at such a painful cost to his mom, so also my new life in Christ came at the most painful cost to Himself. But the best part- that wonderful, blessed, amazing day- when we meet each other face to face...that day makes the high cost SO worth it. And I have a feeling that both of those days will be filled with tears of joy! A friend of mine recently posted this on her facebook page and I LOVED the thought:

"What a day that will be, when my Jesus I shall see. To look upon His face, the one who saved me by His grace. When He takes me by the hand and leads me through the promised land, what a day- glorious day- that will be!"

Needless to say, I am counting down the days until I get to see my son's precious little face. And I can't help but think that maybe God is doing the same thing as He waits for me to join Him one day.

...and what a glorious day that will be!

A Soul at Rest...

2009-04-25T19:43:00.000-07:00

"Come to me, all who are weary and heavy-laden and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls"
~Matthew 11:28-29

I have always loved this passage of Scripture. The thought of having the privilege to come before the One great God of the universe personally and know that He will bear my burdens and give my soul rest has always overwhelmed me. What joy to know He will carry my heaviness and uplift my soul!

One part of these verses that is often unnoticed but has almost had a bigger impact on my life than any other is when Jesus says "learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your soul." God is an infinite God. So much so that we will spend an infinity exploring and discovering His character. And yet, out of all of His attributes, He chose in these verses to point out just two- His gentleness and humility. Two qualities so important that He says they are the key to a restful soul in this life.

I was talking with a friend the other day about marriage and how amazing it's been- how it gets better every day, how I can't imagine life without Tim, and how consistently I see the characteristics of Christ in Tim's life- and I remembered these verses. Ever since I've known Tim, especially since college when we really began to become friends, I've been encouraged and challenged by his humility. Although he was never the "Scripture-quoting, theology discussing, preacher-man" type that I always thought I would marry, his gentle spirit, his quiet eyes, and his humble servant's heart have constantly demonstrated the heart of Christ to me in ways no one else ever has. Tim really, truly loves people. And even after two years of being married to him, I still feel so overwhelmingly thankful to God for His gift of this man to me.

I know this post may be a little "mooshy" but I needed an avenue in which to express my adoring and thankful heart for my husband. It is because Tim has learned from Christ how to be "gentle and humble in heart" that we have rest in our marriage. He has brought the peaceful rest of Christ's heart into my life on a daily basis. When I look at Tim, I can't help but see the face of my sweet Savior. My true Prince Charming. And- as cheesy as it sounds- that really does "sweep me off my feet." I will never stop loving him for that. I will never stop loving Christ for that either...

Blessed...

2009-04-14T15:01:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I think I am officially the worst blogger ever! It has been MONTHS since my last update on our little family...and so much has happened since then. So far, 2009 has been a year full of fun surprises and special blessings and the glory goes to our great God for it all!

The biggest news is that God answered our many, many prayers and I am PREGNANT!! :) Our little baby is due October 13, 2009. Tim and I are thrilled beyond words to see God creating our little one so intricately day by day in my ever-growing tummy! Goodbye for now, "Pregnant Wannabes" Club!

We found out I was pregnant on the day after the Superbowl. I was actually not quite 5 weeks pregnant yet, but I was somewhat suspicious that I might be. So I crossed my fingers and took a test the day before my cycle was supposed to start. As I watched it changing colors, it looked like another negative test and I was disappointed once again. Instead of bursting into tears however, I decided to pray, remind myself of God's perfect timing, and went to make some coffee. When I came back to the bathroom to get ready for work, I glanced at the test again to see that it was positive!! I was in shock! I immediately woke up Tim and made him look (I thought I might be imagining it!) and he smiled and said "yep babe...you're pregnant." What an amazing moment that was! I will never forget it! (Of course I spent most of it sobbing uncontrollably, but still an unforgettable moment. Haha!) We started praying for our little baby that morning and have continued to since. Praise the God of HOPE for His answered prayer!! :)

I am now 14 weeks pregnant and it sure has been a fun experience. Wow, pregnancy is weird...especially the first 3 months! It was like a little alien took over my body and nothing about me functioned normally. I did get pretty sick during my first trimester and I was a total wimp about it every day! Ha! I don't know how women that are puking all day for 3 or more months can do it. Yuck. What a completely NOT fun, NOT magical, NOT amazing time the beginning of pregnancy is! The part that was incredible though, were the ultrasounds. I got to have 3 ultrasounds in my first trimester (because of a small complication) and although there was some concern, I couldn't have cared less! I got to see my sweet baby every 2 weeks because of that little complication. And that my friends, makes every pukey moment, every gross smell, and every trip to the bathroom worth it!

Since our last ultrasound, "Baby Biscuit" (as Tim has affectionately named our little "biscuit in the oven") has grown even healthier and stronger and has kicked me a few times. I can't wait to feel even more kicking, which I know will come in a few weeks. As my belly has grown, I catch myself checking it out in every mirror or window that I pass. I know I'm becoming totally vain, but I still sometimes can't believe I'm actually pregnant, and looking at that ever-changing belly has been such a fun reminder of our little blessing to come. :)

Thinking about our "Biscuit" has brought so much more awareness in my heart of God's faithfulness lately. The waiting is over...and God has chosen to reward our patience with the gift we wanted most of all!! His never-ending love and graciousness to me is a truly overwhelming thought and I'm so much more thankful than words could ever say.

"The LORD is near to all who call upon Him, to all who call upon Him in truth. He will fulfill the desire of those who fear Him; He will also hear their cry and will save them. The LORD keeps all who love Him...my mouth will speak the praise of the LORD, and all flesh will bless His holy name forever and ever." ~ Psalm 145:18-21

Other than our new addition, not much has changed in these past few months. We got a Wii finally, which has brought WAY more entertainment into our lives than a stupid video game should! Who knew they could ever invent a video game that I would not only become totally addicted to, but that I could actually beat Tim at! Needless to say, the world has become a very fun place lately.

We've got so many exciting things coming up to be thankful for also- another ultrasound in 6 weeks to find out if we're having a boy or a girl, a trip to visit my family for my sister's graduation from college, a baby room to decorate, and of course the last 6 months Tim and I will ever spend as "just the two of us." We are very blessed!!

Life As We Know It...

2009-01-28T19:13:00.000-08:00

I was thinking today that it's about time for another "Smith Family Update" so here we go! Life is so great right now, praise the Lord! I just returned from a trip to visit my friend Leanne in cold and snowy Buffalo, NY.

We've been friends for almost 6 years now and she just had her first baby in October. Sweet little Haylee Grace is adorable and I was so glad to have the opportunity to meet her face to face! Even at only 10 weeks old, her little face (which looks exactly like her mom's!) reminded me of Jesus and His sweet blessings in life. God is so faithful to continually surprise and bless us with his gifts, of which babies are the most amazing! Of course, watching Leanne and Haylee made me long even more for my own little one, but it also reminded me of the perfection of God's timing and plan. He has truly granted me peace throughout the "waiting" process, and I am so thankful for the little person He is handcrafting just for Tim and me.

Tim has been busy lately with work and various side projects. That, combined with the start of American Idol, 24, and Lost makes it difficult to have as much quality time together. Admittedly, at least 3 of those reasons are our own fault, but at least we can cuddle up together while we listen to Simon destroy the hopes and dreams of young singers! Recently we made a resolution to keep our house cleaner and surprisingly, we've been able to do it! It makes me feel so "housewifey" to wipe counters, clean toilets, and dust furniture even before I leave for work at 5:45am. And I am strangely enjoying the organization and the comfortable feeling of a clean home. Who would've thought?! Haha.

Well, I think that should catch everyone up so far! Life is pretty uneventful when you're in the season between marriage and kids. Uneventful, but priceless. We are very blessed and can't wait to see what God will do in our family in the coming year!

Happy 2009!

2009-01-14T15:53:00.000-08:00

So, 2008 has come and gone. I can't believe how fast time is flying by! Christmas was a wonderful time with family. Tim and I spent Christmas morning with his parents, brother and sister and their families. Then we hopped in our car around 3pm and began the 22.5 hour drive to Arkansas to visit my family. If any of you are over 25 years old and considering a drive this long without stopping, may I just say "DON'T DO IT!!!" It was so fun to spend that much time together, but it was also a glaring reminder that we are not as young as we used to be! We spent a week at my grandparents house in Arkansas recovering and really did have a wonderfully relaxing time. About the only interesting thing I did while I was there was become unashamedly addicted to the Twilight series. Wow, did I feel like a junior high kid once again....but I couldn't help myself! Those books were so good I read each one in less than 2 days (but- in my defense- what ELSE is there to do in Arkansas?!) Needless to say, it was hard to return to reality.

January 1 was my 26th birthday. Not super exciting after you hit 25, I've found. It was nice to be with family though, and it was fun. Like Tim, I had more of a birthweek than just a birthday. I think my grand total was 4 meals out, complete with 3 free desserts (which I am still not sure is socially acceptable), 2 birthday shopping trips, 2 Starbucks gift cards, 5 or 6 birthday cards, and various presents. All in all, I decided that getting older isn't so bad...

To top off all of our celebrating, our 2 year wedding anniversary was January 12. Marriage just gets better and better, doesn't it? I never believed I could love Tim more than I did on our wedding day, and yet- 2 years later- I do! He is truly God's greatest gift to me...

And-with no inappropriate segue intended- there is no news yet on the baby-making front! ;) We're still trying to be patient and hopeful which is a daily battle, as other members of the "Pregnant Wannabes" club well know! ;) Why does it seem that every month- often on the day I start my period- I find out that at least 3 people I know are pregnant?! Ha! It's actually quite ironic and a true test of the whole "loving others more than myself" thing. God is definitely teaching me to want Him more than anything or anyone else in my life....and I guess He knows what will best get me to learn that! But I truly am so blessed. God continues to faithfully remind me of the simple truth of Himself- my listening, loving Father. He is God...and He is good at it!

So, all in all, we're in a pretty happy place right now- missing our family, but loving eachother more all the time. Learning. Waiting. And realizing God's faithfulness and love in new ways every day...

Praise the Lord!

God my Hope...

2008-12-18T18:42:00.001-08:00

God has been teaching me so much about myself lately. What an enlightening and oftentimes painful process that can be! Ever since I was young, I've always joked that I am much more of a "realist" than an optimist. And as I've gotten older, that has only seemed to become more true. But the hardest question to answer about "realism" in life is- at what point should realism be superceded by the HOPE I have in the God of the impossible??

Recently, Tim and I began the process of "trying" to get pregnant. It started in July with the whole "we're not really trying, we're just not NOT trying" thing...ha! That was a joke! When all you've wanted for your entire life is to be a mommy and it's that close, there's no way to keep yourself from "trying!" ;) But the problem now is...we're still not pregnant. Most of the time, I feel fine about it. I remind myself of God's sovereignty and His perfect timing. I remember that it hasn't been too long and that it takes a lot of women up to a year to become pregnant. But sometimes, it is so difficult to wait with hope...

As I was thinking over and over this week about this new phase in our lives, I realized something. Sometimes I put such low expectations on my great God. I know that doesn't necessarily sound like a bad thing. It is, of course, important to NOT expect anything from God- I have no right to. He has already given me everything He has- His wealth, His Son, His life, His heart, His very essence in the Holy Spirit. There is nothing He has left to give to demonstrate His love for me. And yet I think sometimes I am so aware of this fact, that I forget to hope in His ability and His desire to bless me even more in the future.

For someone who is only 26, I have had alot of very difficult situations arise in my life- my mom's brain tumor and my dad's early and unexpected death being the two hardest. I firmly believe that God is wholly sovereign and that He has orchestrated every step I've taken; and I know that these situations have only caused me to realize the neverending love of my God in an even more personal way. I've learned what it is to choose to love God more than any other person or thing in my life...even when I don't emotionally feel that I do. And while these things have truly grown me, I think they've also made me struggle to hope in God. I focus too much on being willing to surrender my own desires (such as having a family) for those of God's heart, and so easily forget about the BLESSINGS He delights in giving me!!! I forget the heart of my precious God- Who enjoys blessing His kids. He delights in it...because it brings Him glory! I forget that part of faith is hoping in God's undeserved goodness to me.

And so- all of these words to say- even though it is difficult to wait for God's blessings in regards to Tim's and my future family, I can never be so much of a "realist" that I forget the truth of God. Waiting is an active process, not a passive one. I truly desire to put my full hope in my God....I choose to hope in Him. I can never lose when I'm in His precious hands. He is my Love, my Father, my Savior, my King, my Shepherd, my Strong Tower, my Deliverer, my Provider, and now...just recently...He is my Hope.

Thankful...

2008-11-29T08:32:00.000-08:00

Tim and I just got back last weekend from a trip to Sedona. Can you believe we haven't been away together alone since our honeymoon almost 2 years ago?! It was a much needed break and so much fun. I am constantly amazed that you can live with someone every day, sleep with them every night, and still feel like you've not had enough time together! Who knew marriage could be so much fun?! :)

On Saturday morning, as we sat on our balcony at the resort drinking coffee, I couldn't help but think about how blessed I am by my husband. He is such a gift from God! He is my best friend. I love laughing with him at how stupid my hair looks in the morning or having an off-key singing competition at the top of our lungs. I love that he isn't annoyed with me when I have to stop every hour to go to the bathroom and doesn't make me feel bad if I "just don't want to cook" that night. I love that he'll watch me from across the room and tell me that I'm beautiful, even if he's already said it 5 times that day. I can't imagine my life without him...

As I was thinking this week about the things I am thankful for, I was overwhelmed by the thought of God's constant gifts of love to me. Sometimes, I forget to remember how faithful God is to give so much and that He does so not because of me, but because He Himself is so kind. I certainly don't deserve it. If I lived my entire life and the only good in it was God's salvation and friendship with me, I am more than blessed. Anything beyond that is just because He wants to. That thought alone makes my heart quietly reverent and overwhelmed with thanksgiving to my King! I wish that every time I looked at my husband, I remembered that he is in my life only because of God's love for me. Praise the Lord for his never-ending blessings to me!

"I love the Lord because He hears my voice and my supplications. Because He has inclined His ear to me, therefore I shall call upon Him as long as I live...gracious is the Lord, and righteous; yes, our God is compassionate...what shall I render to the Lord for all His benefits toward me? "
~ Psalm 116

Tim's birthday weekend...

2008-11-18T18:46:00.000-08:00

So, when did we become so old that our birthdays are no longer only one day long? My last birthday seemed to drag out for a few days and this past weekend, Tim took advantage of that same privilege. He turned 27 on Sunday, November 16. We started the celebrating on Thursday night when our friends Tom and Christina came over to "re-watch" 007 Casino Royale before the big premier night the next day. On Friday, I cooked his favorite meal- complete with peanut butter brownies- and we headed off to the newest James Bond movie. *Sidenote: we really liked the movie, but of course it wasn't as good as the last one. We both agree however, that Daniel Craig has maintained his status of the best James Bond ever!*

On Saturday, Tom came over again to play xbox for a few hours, which is something he never does when I'm home on normal weekends (we've got that down pat! ;) so that was a nice treat. And on Sunday we got to spend the day with our friends Josh, Cyndi and their family as well as Aaron and Britney. Josh's birthday is the day before Tim's, so we celebrated his that day also.
Then of course, to top off the weekend, we had dinner at Serrano's with Tim's family on Monday.

5 DAYS!!! Aren't we supposed to be down-playing our birthdays as we get older? ;) Oh well- I say "party on!" It was so much fun. God has blessed me so greatly with my sweet husband and such good friends. It's fun to have a reason to celebrate once in a while...

Christmas starts early...

2008-11-15T14:10:00.000-08:00

Well, we did it. The tree is up. I know...it's way too early for Christmas. Thanksgiving is still 2 weeks away, but we couldn't help it! Christmas will just have to last about a month longer than usual this year. It really is beautiful. There is nothing as sweet as sitting by a lit tree late at night with a cup of coffee and a good book. Or dancing with your husband to "A Charlie Brown Christmas" in a room lit only by a few candles and a beautiful Christmas tree. I LOVE CHRISTMAS!! :) Now, we're just trying to figure out how to keep the cat out of the tree....