God my Hope...

God has been teaching me so much about myself lately. What an enlightening and oftentimes painful process that can be! Ever since I was young, I've always joked that I am much more of a "realist" than an optimist. And as I've gotten older, that has only seemed to become more true. But the hardest question to answer about "realism" in life is- at what point should realism be superceded by the HOPE I have in the God of the impossible??

Recently, Tim and I began the process of "trying" to get pregnant. It started in July with the whole "we're not really trying, we're just not NOT trying" thing...ha! That was a joke! When all you've wanted for your entire life is to be a mommy and it's that close, there's no way to keep yourself from "trying!" ;) But the problem now is...we're still not pregnant. Most of the time, I feel fine about it. I remind myself of God's sovereignty and His perfect timing. I remember that it hasn't been too long and that it takes a lot of women up to a year to become pregnant. But sometimes, it is so difficult to wait with hope...

As I was thinking over and over this week about this new phase in our lives, I realized something. Sometimes I put such low expectations on my great God. I know that doesn't necessarily sound like a bad thing. It is, of course, important to NOT expect anything from God- I have no right to. He has already given me everything He has- His wealth, His Son, His life, His heart, His very essence in the Holy Spirit. There is nothing He has left to give to demonstrate His love for me. And yet I think sometimes I am so aware of this fact, that I forget to hope in His ability and His desire to bless me even more in the future.

For someone who is only 26, I have had alot of very difficult situations arise in my life- my mom's brain tumor and my dad's early and unexpected death being the two hardest. I firmly believe that God is wholly sovereign and that He has orchestrated every step I've taken; and I know that these situations have only caused me to realize the neverending love of my God in an even more personal way. I've learned what it is to choose to love God more than any other person or thing in my life...even when I don't emotionally feel that I do. And while these things have truly grown me, I think they've also made me struggle to hope in God. I focus too much on being willing to surrender my own desires (such as having a family) for those of God's heart, and so easily forget about the BLESSINGS He delights in giving me!!! I forget the heart of my precious God- Who enjoys blessing His kids. He delights in it...because it brings Him glory! I forget that part of faith is hoping in God's undeserved goodness to me.

And so- all of these words to say- even though it is difficult to wait for God's blessings in regards to Tim's and my future family, I can never be so much of a "realist" that I forget the truth of God. Waiting is an active process, not a passive one. I truly desire to put my full hope in my God....I choose to hope in Him. I can never lose when I'm in His precious hands. He is my Love, my Father, my Savior, my King, my Shepherd, my Strong Tower, my Deliverer, my Provider, and now...just recently...He is my Hope.

Thankful...

Tim and I just got back last weekend from a trip to Sedona. Can you believe we haven't been away together alone since our honeymoon almost 2 years ago?! It was a much needed break and so much fun. I am constantly amazed that you can live with someone every day, sleep with them every night, and still feel like you've not had enough time together! Who knew marriage could be so much fun?! :)

On Saturday morning, as we sat on our balcony at the resort drinking coffee, I couldn't help but think about how blessed I am by my husband. He is such a gift from God! He is my best friend. I love laughing with him at how stupid my hair looks in the morning or having an off-key singing competition at the top of our lungs. I love that he isn't annoyed with me when I have to stop every hour to go to the bathroom and doesn't make me feel bad if I "just don't want to cook" that night. I love that he'll watch me from across the room and tell me that I'm beautiful, even if he's already said it 5 times that day. I can't imagine my life without him...

As I was thinking this week about the things I am thankful for, I was overwhelmed by the thought of God's constant gifts of love to me. Sometimes, I forget to remember how faithful God is to give so much and that He does so not because of me, but because He Himself is so kind. I certainly don't deserve it. If I lived my entire life and the only good in it was God's salvation and friendship with me, I am more than blessed. Anything beyond that is just because He wants to. That thought alone makes my heart quietly reverent and overwhelmed with thanksgiving to my King! I wish that every time I looked at my husband, I remembered that he is in my life only because of God's love for me. Praise the Lord for his never-ending blessings to me!


"I love the Lord because He hears my voice and my supplications. Because He has inclined His ear to me, therefore I shall call upon Him as long as I live...gracious is the Lord, and righteous; yes, our God is compassionate...what shall I render to the Lord for all His benefits toward me? "
~ Psalm 116

Tim's birthday weekend...

So, when did we become so old that our birthdays are no longer only one day long? My last birthday seemed to drag out for a few days and this past weekend, Tim took advantage of that same privilege. He turned 27 on Sunday, November 16. We started the celebrating on Thursday night when our friends Tom and Christina came over to "re-watch" 007 Casino Royale before the big premier night the next day. On Friday, I cooked his favorite meal- complete with peanut butter brownies- and we headed off to the newest James Bond movie. *Sidenote: we really liked the movie, but of course it wasn't as good as the last one. We both agree however, that Daniel Craig has maintained his status of the best James Bond ever!*

On Saturday, Tom came over again to play xbox for a few hours, which is something he never does when I'm home on normal weekends (we've got that down pat! ;) so that was a nice treat. And on Sunday we got to spend the day with our friends Josh, Cyndi and their family as well as Aaron and Britney. Josh's birthday is the day before Tim's, so we celebrated his that day also.
Then of course, to top off the weekend, we had dinner at Serrano's with Tim's family on Monday.

5 DAYS!!! Aren't we supposed to be down-playing our birthdays as we get older? ;) Oh well- I say "party on!" It was so much fun. God has blessed me so greatly with my sweet husband and such good friends. It's fun to have a reason to celebrate once in a while...

Christmas starts early...

Well, we did it. The tree is up. I know...it's way too early for Christmas. Thanksgiving is still 2 weeks away, but we couldn't help it! Christmas will just have to last about a month longer than usual this year. It really is beautiful. There is nothing as sweet as sitting by a lit tree late at night with a cup of coffee and a good book. Or dancing with your husband to "A Charlie Brown Christmas" in a room lit only by a few candles and a beautiful Christmas tree. I LOVE CHRISTMAS!! :) Now, we're just trying to figure out how to keep the cat out of the tree....